^^ Me
Well today I went To The Gym for two hours.
Ate 800 calories soo far and will be at a total of 1200
I eat a lot of protein and I'm working on building muscle.
Eh I'm trying to quit smoking which is proving to be a pretty big problem
tonite i'm going out to the movies with a girl from where I work
hopeing it'll workout soo well I'm gonna go take a shower and go out to a friend of mines until then.

Ok first of all this is kind of an apology but more of an explanation. The paragraph that I wrote yesterday was supposed to be an example. An example of what you’re wondering. The self hating thoughts we send our selves every day and how ridicules these messages really are. We can all admit what I wrote was the stupidest thing you have ever read but be honest there were parts in there we think or tell our selves everyday so we don’t eat. I wanted you to realize that thinking that way is wrong. Clearly you thought that I was wrong for posting it. You all had one thing in common about how you felt towards me and the message. I was a bitch and should have had the dignity to put it in a LJ cut. But your mind can be a bitch and your mind never puts anything degrading against you in a LJ cut for your protection.

I have a question, when you read the paragraph why didn’t anyone try to support me. I obviously had some issues. That is the opinion I get by reading the paragraph. I do not mean support me in the way of ( ya go you…that really helped me not eat ) no not that type of bulcrap. I mean support like ( I get it that your obviously upset right now but writing this and thinking this isn’t going to help you or anyone else. Your beautiful the way you are) that type of support. That Is what I would have wrote. It’s a plain as day scream for help. Remember not everyone’s messages are dry cut. Some have hidden messages. Even if someone seems mean and harsh there on here because they are suffering and trying to get better.

• I’m sorry if this affected anyone negatively, I agree I was stupid for not thinking that it would. A little ignorant actually.
• I will take it off because well you all asked me too
• This sight is not for asking for tips so please do not ask anyone.
• Yes I obviously can’t spell for shit
• Only thing I didn’t understand is what some of you meant by this (Its like some sort of cult)
• What did you guy’s expect though when the entry was labelled thinspo and it was a paragraph. Obviously thinspo is inspiration not to eat and be thin. It a warning on its own.

Current Mood: bitchy

http://i34.tinypic.com/10xrrco.jpg

. . . 'Because the mirrow hurts worse then starving.
I feel beautiful when I'm hungry.

Current Mood: On Starvation

I am such a mess. I haven't eaten in a while,
I'm almost Failing all my classes,
the guy I've had a crush on has
never noticed me bcause im so fuken fat!
Im sleeping from 1 am to 5am
my mind has goone crazy
people think im weird and stupid
wow hahaha ur thinking!!i hate u!

Current Mood: cold

The last 3 days have been pretty good.
I worked out all 3 days and 2/3 days I had between 1000 and 1200 calories & today I had just under 1500.

I know this may seem like a lot to everyone, but I had been binging hard for a good 2 weeks. I am talking like 2000-3000 calories/day.
INSANITY.


I am slowly going to progress back down and try to consistently stay under 1200 calories. (except every 3rd or 4th day, I will have 1500 to spike my metabolism and confuse it so it doesn't slow down.)


On another note, I have not had a scale for about 2 weeks now and it's killing me.
With my insane binging I think I am back up to about 150.

My mini goal is to hit 145 by Turkey day and my second goal is 139 by Dec. 7th... then 134 by Dec 23.



Ahhhhhh I hope I can do it! <3

I haven't posted anything here...in like......months! well things are no better for me now than what they were then. i haven't lost much, but i don't weigh over 200 pounds anymore so i'm happy! i now weigh 185. last time i posted i was around 197 ish. i want to be in the 170's by the end of the month. things have been so hard lately! i have no idea why....it's just been hard to lose weight! but i'm getting back into this! i hate being fat! and i miss my imperfection. i'm gonna start working my ass off! i need to do a fast to get me started. i'm gonna fast tomorrow. anyone want to be my fasting buddy?
since i haven't posted in a while here's my stats:

weight:185
age:18
height: 5'3
gw1:175
gw2:170
gw3:165
and i wanna keep going until i'm at my ugw:145 then we'll see where it goes from there
well think thin lovelys!
:)

Current Location: my room
Current Mood: bouncy

Well today i had about
black coffee with sugar about - 45 calories
lunch - 50 for me
energy bar- 120
and about to have tacos for dinner =/ roomates

daisy is an idiot! they, her and sammy, went to paris about 2 weeks ago and were having a lovely time until daisy od. she doesn't even do coke! urgh. urgh. urgh. what is she turning into?? sammy isn't talking to her at the moment which is hard not to considering daisys in the hosptial. silly silly girl! my therapist called me the other day she wanted to know how i am. mrs montgomery. i always hated her. i knew she always hated me but we never said anything. we were totally aloof with eachother. i was only seven when i had her. i didn't understand what her job was. too long of a word... "psychiatrist". she always tried to manipulate me. i told her all about daisy and she made me think that daisy was bad. "a naughty little girl" she used to say. what a load of crap. she even told my parents that i said bitch. my parents were outraged. they believed her over me. i had her for 2 years. she sow daisy in that time as well. but daisy was stronger than me and told her where to go. mrs montgomery tutted whenever i mentioned her and said that girl is afraid of live. afraid of what might life is going to make of her. in a way she was right. daisy has no direction. no incentive to do anything. she's 21 living with her childhood bestfriend and just shops all day. don't get me wrong i love to shop all day but her life doesn't mean anything. what's the point in living if your life hasn't got a goal? she needs to do something. or else she'll try a harsher drug which will kill her. i think when she comes back from paris she's going back to the "clinic" where we first met. i can never remember the name. something farm. it was a lovely house in the country with a beautiful meadow next to it. i vaguely remember we used to run through the fields of barely hand in hand. god even then i must have had a crush on her ....(!)

mrs montgomery asked about daisy. i told her what happened. she said she wasn't surprised. i think secretly she was. probably resented saying that because it came off awfully rude. anyway she wants to see me when i get back from school, which will be my birthday next week. i refuse to her then. she'll destroy my 18th. : ( 
hmm. christmas is when i next come home. december theeeeeeee well i can't remember but she'll definitely want to see me. and daisy for that matter.

they both come back next saturday. they're both missing my drama performance and my birthday ..
some friends ...

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: ginny owens - if you want me to